guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
