Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
