do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
