Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Can you bring me the toilet please
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
