dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
