Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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