I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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