i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Randomize
