Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
