Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
