i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize