A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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