friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
