Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
