I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
