I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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