dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
