i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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