oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
