Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
