remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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