It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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