I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
