just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
