halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Randomize
