You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Well I just put wine in my tea
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
