she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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