Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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