are you so shy because you have an std?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
