I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
