where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
