wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
