I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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