lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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