you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize