According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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