everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Randomize
