I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
