My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
