Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
