I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
