Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
