I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Barsexuality is the new black.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
The uberlube is also flammable
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
