Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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