I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
zippers are such a cool invention
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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