My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
