Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
