oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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