Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
