farters have to be the big spoon...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
