I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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