Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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