I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize