To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
