Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
