my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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