I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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