im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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