So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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