i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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