i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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