I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
