I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize