I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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