My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
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