my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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