Porn is love you can see.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
