He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
