ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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