You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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