Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
it hurts more in the daytime
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Randomize
