Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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