I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
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