dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Randomize
