You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
