dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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