I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
