He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
