that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
