Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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