I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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