while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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