I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
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