Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
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