you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
