I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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